• Stefan Neff

From Zero To Hero Chapter 15

My Ex-Wife Goes To Jail

The next two years of my life were pure hell on earth. I was living in a pool of distrust because it seemed like of all the people in my life were trying to hurt me and put me down. I had convinced myself deep in my soul that they were right. Even my own family thought that I was off track and overly self-centred.


One day my ex-wife contacted me, once again asking for money. I said to myself, “Why should I pay for them? They don’t even live in the same country. It’s so frigging stupid.” I thought. “Why should I pay for something that I can’t enjoy?” The mere thought of giving money to her was absolutely beyond belief. I felt like a bank machine ready to be robbed for everything that was mine.


She said, “You agreed to pay me child support. You promised me money every month. You are a liar...so full of excuses every time. You are the king of making up lies and being the number 1 excuse maker in the world.”


After months of phone calls, she said they were going to come and visit #Canada again. My son was missing me. I said, “OK, what do I need to do to make this happen?” I truly wanted to see him, well her too I guess. They had planned it all out. I want to know how long and when they were coming. Somewhere in my gut, I believed that they had an ulterior motive for coming.


I was apprehensive about the whole trip. The moment of truth came closer and closer. Finally, the week was here for real. But in my mind, something seemed wrong in Denmark. The day arrived and I went to pick them up once again. After three years of pain and agony, I showed up at the airport, apparently on the wrong day. For some reason, I had turned my phone off and I had no way of knowing that they didn’t arrive on that flight. I said to myself, “What the Fuck is going on here? Why aren’t they here?” I thought maybe they had missed the flight or changed the flight or something.


I went back to my home sad and depressed. Once again my life was being turned upside down. I had looked forward to seeing them again and now I had no idea if I would ever see them. I made a phone call to #Japan and there was no answer. I called again and again, so many times that I’m sure if they were there, I would have driven them crazy. I tried to make contact but no one would answer the phone. I was starting to worry about what may have happened to them. Then a phone call came to me and in this soft and miserable voice I heard her say, “We were put in immigration jail at the #Vancouver airport and sent back to Japan.”


I was absolutely stunned by what had just been said. My tone changed, “What did you do?” The phone went silent for at least thirty seconds and then she told me what had happened.


She said they treated her and my son like complete criminals. I couldn’t believe my ears, it sounded like a made-up story. They had handcuffed her and started to interrogate her, saying that she was coming to Canada to move, not a visit. They accused her of lying about her intentions to be in this country. Canada, the land of the free, and my ex-wife was in jail.


She asked me, “Where were you?”


I said, “I was waiting outside for you.”


“They tried to phone you so many times.” I knew right then what I had done. I had to turn my phone off because I didn’t think I needed it. I was so worried about my battery being low.


I lied to her and said, “My phone was on. It never rang once.” I didn’t want to take responsibility for my own actions. What happened as a result? My family was put in jail and sent back to Japan. I couldn’t come to terms with what I had just done. My life was full of lies

and deceit, and now I seemed to forever be creating pain in others' lives as well.


All I wanted to do was to blame the immigration officers for what they had done to my life. Canada had now become my enemy. I wanted to go straight to the #airport and raise a stink, but what could I do? I was only this drunken fool that just had his life turned upside down.


I thought it was best to say nothing and crawl into my man cave and hide. We as a society can do something, but how could this be accomplished by one voice? I ended up doing nothing, for this was my life in a nutshell just plain, ordinary, useless me. Time went by without even a mere morsel of contact with my ex-wife and my little boy, but at least I had my beer and my pot to make me feel better.


Until a moment of clarity come to our lives, we can end up living our lives in a constant slumber, watching years go by in the blink of an eye.


A while later, Tomoko said that she wanted to try one last chance to come to Canada. But it wasn’t going to be easy this time, because now they had been black-listed by immigration. She did a lot of work, with a determination of willpower, to overcome the obstacles that were put in front of her. I remember that we sent letters to the Canadian embassy in Japan, stating our case. They said that I needed to have a letter written up as to where they were going to be staying, how long they were staying and when they would depart from Canada. I had to provide my birth certificate to prove that my son really was mine, as they were behind the eight ball all the way here. I was on a mission of love that wouldn’t be denied.


There was such a strong urge to fulfill my life’s purpose and bring my son to Canada. I wasn’t going to stop even though my mind was telling me to give up. My heart was saying go all the way.


You know when you have this feeling that life sometimes will drag you down deeper than you really want to go, but there is something pulling you towards an end result that you can’t truly understand? Somewhere and somehow a little voice in your head is speaking to you. I had that voice speaking to my little man deep inside me. I knew that this was what I was meant to do. All I could picture was my son calling, “Daddy, daddy where are you,? Please come and get me.”


I can only see the truth, it’s hard to describe in words except it was time to do something. Sitting in the basement drinking my sorrows away wasn’t going to bring my son to me. I needed to step up to the plate and play ball. I remember the moment when my older son came and visited me so many years ago for the first time. That same feeling was descending upon me like a tornado on a summer’s day. When I completed any task asked of me, my mind could only think of how I would feel when my son was finally with me.


I wrote in the Next Chapter about how my Child became homeless.


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